33

He turned 33 today. He is getting old and I think I love him more because of it. Growing old with someone that you knew at a younger age is a beautiful thing. I get to realize the changes. The security, the maturing. He is everything I could want, he really is. He isn't perfect but he is perfect for me. As we drove away from Lowe's today (it is his birthday and he said he wanted to go to his favorite store...) I saw an elderly couple with a rough gait, wrinkles, gray hair all the marks of "old" and I said, "that is us in another 40 years" and he said, "I can't wait". Tomorrow he will be 33 and a day, I will love him more.

My little girls are growing up

This post is long overdue in being written, and there are a few more that are needing to be documented too, but I can spare a moment to do it now and that is the story of life.

The girls have asked sporadically from time to time if they could have their ears pierced. We stayed pretty firm on the "wait until you are older" routine. I was 13 before my mom pierced my ears, at home, with an ice cube as a numbing agent and my dad holding my hand telling me I was bleeding like a stuck hog. During Christmas break 2010 we were riding along in the van after doing some errands in Little Rock and Lucie brought up the fact that she would really like her ears pierced. She must have caught us on a good day because Jim and I looked at each other and said, "OK, if you are ready for this we are okay with it too" I explained she would need to use some of the money she got for Christmas to pay for it and that it would probably hurt. She was still game. So we stopped at the mall...I hate the mall...and went to Clarie's. She had to wait in line as an older lady was having a second hole put in her ears. It was good though because she got to watch it be done and the lady was especially nice to tell Lucie how it felt and encourage her. Lucie climbed up in the chair and I held her hand. Jim had the camera and the other two kids. The girl who did the piercing asked if we wanted to have another girl come over and do both ears at once. Lucie said No, one at a time. She was a trooper. She flinched a little bit when the gun clamped but I squeezed her hand and she did so well. When the girl went to the other side Lucie started pulling her head away but I placed my hand on her head to steady her and it went on without incident. She was smiling the biggest smile when they let her look in the mirror. She had chosen a multi colored crystal daisy as they would match all her outfits. After we were done and paid and she listened to the cleaning and care instructions we went to get ice cream as I had a free coupon at ChickFila for each of them. All in all it went really well. Since then she has done a great job of keeping them clean and taking care of them.

Oh Emma. She is another story. At first when Lucie expressed she wanted to have her ears pierced Emma said "No way, not until I am 8!" I liked this idea as it means only one child to keep up with at a time. Plus, Emma does not and has never liked having anyone or anything touch her ears. It is getting better as she ages but still cannot stand for me to clean or touch her ears. So I wasn't too sure how she would react to having a gun put next to her ear and how she would deal with the resulting pain. Everything seemed to be going well as Lucie went about having her ears done. I will admit I was very focused on Lucie at that point and not aware that Jim was dealing with a meltdown. So where in there while we waited for Lucie's turn Emma decided she needed to have hers done too. Our standard is not to make switch decisions with our kids especially when something has been previously agreed upon. So Jim was standing firm that she was not getting her ears done that day. Once I was aware of the situation I agreed with him too. So when we went and had ice cream after Lucie's ears were done we had two happy kids and one in full meltdown. I talked Emma down and we discussed that if she still wanted to have her ears pierced in 6 weeks, on love day, I would take her. That was okay with Emma. Time passed and the end of January brought Oscar's birthday and a visit from Grandpa and Grandma. Lucie was doing so well at this point with her earrings that I thought maybe we should go have Emma's done a little earlier than planned and have it made extra special with the presence of Grandma there too. When I told my mom about it she was game. Emma was extra excited even though we were not waiting until love day. We went to the same place. This time I told the girl we needed to do both at the same time. I sat in the chair and held Emma in my lap to have a more secure hold on her (she really doesn't react well to pain) and Grandma held her hands. Jim once again had the camera and Grandpa was in charge of the other two. Emma's face says it all. Instead of smiles it was tears and a yelp of pain. She pushed her body backwards when she felt the posts go in. Even when they showed her the earrings in her ears she had tears streaming down her face. Luckily she had a large supportive group of people who love her and kept telling her how beautiful she looked. She had chosen purple crystal daisy earrings because purple is her favorite color! We went to celebrate with ice cream minus the coupons. I think in the long run Oscar thought this was a pretty good deal. He didn't have any pain and got to have ice cream twice!

Wait wait...

Emma-ism 

Emma has taken to saying wait wait... She does this usually with a hand motion or the index finger up and wagging. At times we find this highly annoying and react with the typical parent montage of "No, you ..." However, being us we usually react by mimicking her. Jim and I have even been known to say it to each other when the kids are no where around!

So the conversation might go like this:

Jim: Go brush your teeth and then we will go to the park. Grab a jacket.....(continue with instructions)

Movement, pause, turn, finger raised, interruption....
Emma: Wait wait...pause The track park, or a different park. Let's go to the track park!

Jim:  Wait wait....Yes the track park.

At this point I don't think she thinks it is odd to say wait wait all the time. I don't think it is a tic that we should worry about. She has said or used other expressions in the past and they typically phase out as she continues to grow. Lucie likewise did things like this, expressive one or two word statements that would have us laughing or smiling because it was too cute. We just don't want to forget about it so I had to write it down.

A little Crazy Today

I feel the urge to write today but I have very scattered thoughts. I am find myself bouncing from one job to the next with a sort of purpose but easily derailed. My train of thought is also on crisscrossing tracks and I sometimes pause to chuckle at my own oddness. Oddly, (or not so much given what I do with my time) I have photos to accompany my thoughts.

My big plan for the day was to mop. My floors were messy messy messy and it was long overdue. My neighbor/friend stopped by and said, "don't you have two more months to get that done?" Ha ha. I get it. But no, it must be done today. So eventually, much later than intended, I mopped the downstairs. The upstairs is sadly still waiting for a turn. Maybe later today, or tomorrow, or the next day... The photo is relevant because after I mopped I could lay down the new throw rugs and they were met with approval from the cat!

I also have had the need/urge/need to lumen print. I specifically have been craving to pluck a certain type of lilly I have watched bloom all over the air base. I just couldn't muster the courage to go pick them though from government property. So on the way home from school I stopped at Lowes and thankfully they were on sale and I was able to buy them. So now I can pick them guilt free and plant them to have more blooms grow for my enjoyment and possibly more lumens. I couldn't resist picking up a few other specimens in the garden center. Not only are they beautiful they just made me happy!

My creative bug was peaked as I puttered around outside and felt my blood sugar drop. Once I ate my lunch and felt better it was back outside to capture the image that held my faltering mind. I love the cans waiting in line, ever ready to be used. I also digressed to the fact that they are the colors of a stoplight and in the right order.  This was not a staged photograph, it was just there.

Lastly, this is were I get really funny, my gardenias are blooming! I know how exciting is that?!? Well, for me it was a warm happy feeling to see the little white, intoxicating wonderful smelling blossoms. I found my brain coming up with an academy award winning speech of sorts, "...oh my gosh! oh my gosh! Let me thank the rain for all your encouragement, the ground; I couldn't have done it without your support, and of course the sun!..." Yes, this is where you can doubt my sanity.

Happy Mother's Day!

The kids randomly keep saying, its your day!

This morning they let me sleep in until 8:45 when Emma woke me up with a tray of food and declared she had made me breakfast. My pump was alarming (blood sugar dropping, also explaining how I was able to sleep in) so I slowly woke up and awkwardly reached for "breakfast", it was a banana, apple, and string cheese. Next Lucie joined us and heard my pump. She handed me the skittles on my table. I thanked her for listening to my pump and I ate a few of those. Then she took my apple and went downstairs and ate it. I laid there in bed for a bit and then Emma was back with a coffee cup. She said, "coffee is really hard to make!" In a panic I interrupted her and said, "EMMA! Do not make coffee, mommy can do that!!". Emma then continued with, "so I made you this". Now I take the cup and look inside, oh milk! Great! I say thank you and take a drink, NOT milk! Coffee creamer. Yummy! 

I decided it was time to go downstairs and make their breakfast and that pot of coffee that eluded Emma. Happy Mother's day 2010, it is already priceless. 

Things they say...

My children talk and talk and talk. They all have a speech issue, but none of them have the same problem with their speech. So for a long time I have been a translator, listener, and sometimes, confounded. They talk so much that at a parent/teacher conference one teacher was commenting on my son's need to learn there is a time and a place for talking and I said yes, I know...they all need that. She looked at me and said, "they all talk as much as he does?" and after confirming that affirmative, she looked at me and said, "I am sorry." I chuckled. The noise has become a fact of life. I realize that everyone does not have the same issue. There are days when I wish it was just quiet in my house, my van, my sleep...ha ha! So, I am going to post some of the things that have escaped their lips that caused me to stop and focus in and enjoy them and their stories.

Lucie to me: "Mom, you are so beautiful"
Me: "Ah, thank you Lucie"
Lucie: "you are more beautiful when you wear a dress!"

Oscar to me: "Mommy...(tears in his eyes, sniffling), I do not want you to die!"
Me: "I am not going to die today, I promise"
Oscar: "I will still love you when you die"
Me: "I will love you forever too"
(I have this conversation on a fairly regular basis with him, sometimes it is about his dad, we are not sure why he is fixated on our deaths but we have told him that everyone dies someday)

Emma to Lucie: "you be the mommy ostrich and call your baby like this...(high pitched, odd tones ensue)
Lucie mimics the noise.
Emma says "No! Like this....(more tonal range in a higher scale)
Lucie: "Emma. My voice is not like yours."

Emma: "When I get big I will live next to you and Daddy"
Me: "Okay! You can buy the house next door!"
Lucie: "I am going to live in Arkansas when I am big"
Me: "Ok, but there are lots of other great places to live too"
Oscar: "I don't know where I will live when I am big....(panic spreads on his face)...I will live with you forever Mommy"
Me: "Ok, you can live with me" (he is 7, I am fairly confident this will change as he ages)

Emma: (in the van) "Mom, go faster! That car just passed us"
Me: "Emma. I am going the speed limit"
Lucie: "That car must have a faster peed limit"
Me: "No. That car is going over the speed limit, it is breaking the law" (empathise the S in speed)
Emma: "Oh Oh!"

Me: "Do you know what I want?"
Lucie: "Quiet."
Oscar: "and peace"
Me: "yes"

Who says?

Who says an autistic child won't make eye contact? I used to! Emma is our child that is autistic. She is one of three awesome children we have been blessed with and for the most part I would tell you her autism is more about quirks and oddities than the  more severe cases on the spectrum, she is extremely social and high functioning. I know we are fortunate for this. We recognized early signs and had her evaluated for speech in her 2 year old year as she wasn't saying more than 2 or 3 words. She made eye contact but not terribly often and rarely with a camera. Her early photos are primarily of the top or her head and looking sideways. Still, I was okay with that. If she never made full fledged eye contact with my lens I could deal with that, I am after all a fairly artistic photographer! Still, she started attending a therapy school and made tremendous strides in language, physical skills and social skills. Somewhere in her 3rd year approaching the the age of 4 she decided the camera was her friend. A photographer came to her school and did dress up photos of all the kids. They specifically mentioned Emma and her desire to perform for the camera. Her proofs were all amazing and I ended up just buying all of them. Since that time when she is asked to smile for the camera it typically garners a performance. Usually complete with arm, leg and head movements. I now find it hard to capture the still moments of Emma, (no, look off in the distance. No! Don't go in the distance, just look!) Still, I love those eyes and I love my little performing girl.